September 25, 2023

As an INFJ, do you usually end up dreaming a few peaceable second of solitude? Does it really feel just like the world is at all times demanding one thing from you, leaving you with little time to recharge your batteries? You’re not alone. As an INFJ you want alone time to perform at your finest. Within the peaceable solitude of alone time you are feeling like you’ll be able to breathe, suppose, and course of with ease. Nevertheless, it may be exhausting to ask for alone time. It’s possible you’ll really feel prefer it’s egocentric, or chances are you’ll really feel nervous about being misperceived as a “dangerous good friend/sibling/little one/accomplice”.

Estimated studying time: 7 minutes

Why INFJs Want Alone Time:

INFJs are introverted character sorts. They discover solace in immersing themselves of their inside world. They’re invigorated by intricate ideas, distinctive concepts, and profound insights, which they totally ponder and analyze throughout serene moments of deep reflection. With out these valuable moments, the INFJ’s wellspring of creativity and perception might progressively wane. Being remarkably intuitive beings, INFJs yearn for ample time alone to rejuvenate and foster a profound reference to their internal selves. Throughout these occasions they connect with patterns, get insights into human dilemmas, and forge a psychological path for his or her future.

How INFJs Really feel When They Don’t Get Sufficient Alone Time:

  • Exhausted
  • Unfocused
  • Over-stimulated
  • Out of contact with their path in life
  • Tense
  • Overwhelmed by others’ emotions and unable to distinguish their very own
  • Like a really profound a part of themselves is being held underwater and might’t breathe

Why INFJs Battle to Ask for Alone Time:

As Feeling-Judging character sorts, INFJs possess an interesting duality of their character. Alongside their inward-focused nature, INFJs additionally exhibit an extroverted side known as Extraverted Feeling. This aspect of their character encompasses a spread of qualities, together with a powerful emphasis on exterior connection, a eager sense of social propriety, and a exceptional means to discern unexpressed feelings and wishes.

Linda Berens, a extremely regarded psychologist and typology skilled, says of Extraverted Feeling, “we really feel pulled to be accountable and deal with others’ emotions, typically to the purpose of not separating our emotions from theirs.”

INFJs usually expertise a fragile steadiness between the will for solitude, introspection, and the simultaneous craving to attach with others and meet their wants. This inside battle can provide rise to intense emotions of guilt and internal turmoil in relation to in search of alone time. Many INFJs concern being perceived as egocentric, self-indulgent, or emotionally distant in the event that they select to step away from their relationships, even momentarily.

“As a mom of three kids beneath 5, I really feel like I’m not allowed to ask for alone time. I fear that my household will really feel rejected by me. I fear that I might be seen as a distant, egocentric mom. I do know that is absurd; however I usually give in if I’m wished – struggling to see once I’m being self-caring or self-indulgent.” – Heidi, an INFJ reader of my weblog

“In relationships I get so caught up in my accomplice’s wants and their emotions that I merge with them. I wrestle to see the place I start and so they finish. Over time I begin to really feel exhausted. I ponder what occurred to my authentic ideas and impartial emotions. But I really feel horrible if I ask for time for myself. I appear to draw individuals who demand a whole lot of my consideration and so they usually take my requests for solitude as an indication of private rejection.” – Andrew, an INFJ reader of my weblog

Sufficient is Sufficient: How INFJs Can Ask for Alone Time Successfully (and Kindly)

Why alone time is so important for INFJs

Setting Wholesome Boundaries:

So, how can an INFJ get the alone time they so desperately want? One of many first issues to do is to set wholesome boundaries. Saying “no” could be powerful, nevertheless it’s important to creating area for alone time. For those who’re unsure what this implies, begin with small steps. For instance, in case you’re an INFJ who works from dwelling, determine to put aside a few hours every day to be alone and work on private initiatives. Then, let your loved ones know that these are sacred occasions for you – occasions when you’ll not be accessible to fulfill their wants.

Think about one other situation: perhaps you might have a member of the family who steadily calls you out of the blue through the week. You may kindly allow them to know that there are specific days or hours when it’s worthwhile to focus on different vital duties. Reassure them that you’ll attain out as quickly as you might have some free time in your schedule.

Take Benefit of a Schedule:

Everyone knows that Judgers love lists and schedules. Embrace this aspect of your character by actively practising the artwork of scheduling your commitments as a substitute of merely saying “sure” to every thing that comes your means. Put aside particular blocks of time every day devoted to solitude, and guard it fiercely towards any disturbances or interruptions. This sacred time might be utilized for actions like studying a ebook, taking a calming tub, or just discovering solace within the stillness of the second. By nurturing this side of your character, you’ll be able to create a harmonious steadiness between your private wants and exterior calls for, cultivating a way of achievement and internal peace.

However what do you do when somebody needs a few of your time? Relying on the precedence of the necessity, both give them your time, or allow them to know you’ll find time for them throughout one of many days or blocks of time you’ve put aside for connection. For instance, in case your mother calls and she or he’s battling a dire well being want, prioritize that. But when your finest good friend is asking for a espresso date and you have already got plans to take a while alone, don’t be afraid to kindly allow them to know when you’ll be able to join with them.

Remind Your self That You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup:

As INFJs, it’s vital to recollect that you could’t give your finest self to others in case you don’t deal with your self first. Inform your self, “I’m a person, and my wants matter as a lot as anybody else’s.” Remind your self that giving your self some area doesn’t make you egocentric; moderately, it demonstrates an act of self-love which is important for long-term emotional and bodily well-being. For those who put on your self out, you’ll solely be left with resentment or exhaustion. For those who deal with your self first, then you definately can provide to others with out feeling resentful or drained.

Lastly, don’t overlook to be affected person with your self in case you discover it tough to carve out the alone time you want. It takes follow and typically it’s exhausting. Begin small if you need to. Observe saying “I want a while alone, however can we catch up at one other time?” when individuals ask on your consideration. With love and dedication, you’ll be able to study to really feel in command of your individual private area – and at last have the alone time that you just dearly want (and deserve).

A Phrase of Warning:

Earlier than we finish this text, it’s vital to notice that you could have an excessive amount of of a superb factor. Even introverts want to create space for the connection-seeking, empathic aspect of themselves. Some INFJs get so wrapped up in solitude that they enter a Ni-Ti loop. This doesn’t result in happiness or achievement; as a substitute it disconnects INFJs from the nice and cozy, conscientious aspect of their character that’s in contact with the world round them. INFJs in a loop turn into indifferent, chilly, and out of contact with actuality. They’re much less efficient and fewer capable of make actual constructive change on this planet round them.

It’s okay to be alone typically; in actual fact, it’s extraordinarily useful. However keep in mind that significant relationships are important for an INFJ’s emotional development and improvement. So don’t overlook to welcome the world into your life – even when it’s only some hours every week! Permit your self to attach with others, get exterior and be in nature, or embrace the a part of your self that desires to positively influence others.

Most INFJs I do know personally wrestle with not getting sufficient alone time; however there are at all times a number of that take issues to extremes and so I at all times really feel inclined to say this.


All in all, INFJs want alone time – however it may be exhausting to ask for it resulting from their empathetic nature and concern of being misunderstood (which, let’s face it, occurs lots with INFJs). With follow, nevertheless, INFJs can discover ways to set wholesome boundaries and prioritize their very own wants whereas nonetheless managing relationships with others. Embrace your innate want for solitude and don’t overlook to attach with the world round you – and shortly you’ll notice that steadiness is inside your attain. So take a deep breath, follow self-love, and keep in mind to cherish the moments of peace that happen if you give your self permission to be alone.

What Are Your Ideas?

We’d love to listen to your ideas on this matter! Share any suggestions or methods you employ to create steadiness between your want for alone time and sustaining relationships with these round you. Are there any actions that assist you discover solitude? Tell us within the feedback part beneath.

Uncover extra about your character kind in our eBooks, Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type,  The INFJ – Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ – Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP – Understanding the Dreamer. You may also join with me by way of FacebookInstagram, or Twitter!

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Understanding Your self and Others™ – An Introduction to the Persona Kind Code by Linda V. Berens and Dario Nardi (2004, Interstrength)